I used to spread em’ and see what my asshole looked like in the bathroom mirror. I was comparing myself to gay pornstars. I had lost a lot of shame at that point. Manorexic or bulimic bilious and a drunken slob, traveling downtown hot spots wasting away and searching for something and someone. Anyone who could make me interested in life, the world, being young and tasting hope maybe. I didn’t give people much chance, I passed much judgment and assumed I had most of them figured out. I doomed myself to imagining there were no new frontiers, whatever the masses had to offer was a dry, dull, washed up sameness. Never a chance, never a nevermore.