What is it when you’re a nice guy who treats women with respect and kindness but at the same tine you don’t? You somehow hurt them and damage them, their feelings, their self-respect. You don’t reciprocate their feelings. You don’t act like they’re important. You drift off into a Neverland of gray and leave your lifeless meatbag there for them to fuss over and have a relationship with. This ain’t healthy, ain’t conducive to a burgeoning relationship or anything akin to love. They need affection and a stability in that affection and I have not given them that, I can’t,  not presently. Every whisper of a new romance is tinged with that dark and dreary thought permeating  supple worry bones.

In my head, oh, I give them the world. I’m providing everything they could want in a man; the pinnacle of white knights. In reality I’m pushing pushing away and hiding from those that make an effort to care. Those sweet hearts I turn bitter and corroded then leave to pulsate with another thumper. I feel like a bloodless fool and they’re asking for warmth. Jovial and affable but something missing, something lacking. Gone. I come forward with shaky hands holding golden half lockets asking the sun to shine for just me. They want support, I’m selling glass canes and footpads.

Familiarity breeds contempt. I may think less of them from time to time, more I entertain their company the less I care. Stone-faced gentleman without the guts. Attention reduced in lovey dovy operatic scene. Red curtains go down, I let go of the rope.


One thought on “

  1. All of us have the capacity to be an asshole, some of us choose to be and some of us choose not to be. Laced with good intentions but twisted on the inside, I think you know the answers to the questions you seek.

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