There’s lots of things going clink clunk blah in my head. It’s a bit like that ball bearing game where you try to get it in a hole, lotta fun it used to be. Also lights out and that jumping peg thing. My I did love puzzles and other forms of nerdity. I’ve gotten somewhat lazy with the mental activities, or abberations, as well, and find myself folding in, hanging up the towel with whatever becomes difficult past a certain degree. Maybe I’m not challenging myself enough but I still go for some head cramping, nerdlust. Though I say forget it, I don’t need to do this, fuck math!

There is some kind of far off goal I’m pushing towards, ever rushing to a plateau of higher intelligence, the gilded goal of knowledge divine. I see polished hued tops with golden archways that don’t stink of burgers and humanity. Oh that sulfurous suffocating air of thisness, the masses, the thawing crowd blocking the path. Need them, hate them, love them, fear them. Why can’t I learn and attain wisdom in peace? Because you’d be bored and seething with the lonely hate of a disappearing shadow, the metaphorical boxer tko’d.

But the enlightenment I seek, beseeching the gods of twilight, one moment of mystic guru understanding. I am Nosferatu peeking behind the curtain searching for the light, the edifying holy rolling pinnacle of insight. Shine on me, shine on me, let me see the majesty. Is it a finite end? Will I ever come to that edge of reason? That all-knowing oneness? Dining on the club sandwich of awareness and understanding. Hold the mayo. I make an offering to the knowledge keepers, little basket of treasures cast out to sea, hoping for floats and answers. They say no one cares anymore about the big questions, but I cannot get them outta my head. The trinkets still linger; do you have to let it linger?

I am reminded of turkey and Thanksgiving. Maybe I should be thankful for what I have, the brain I am gifted with, the creativity others say is precious, only a counted few getting talent parsed out to them in the swirling cacophony of the noisy species. Being grateful, cherish the moments, have a muffin (goddamn carrot muffins just get me). I slowly learn to do these things on my meandering walk of life. Always on the green and putting from the rough. Knowledge is great but peace is better; cosmic balance and steady state should be the new goal. I see the dangling velvet rope but when do I get the passes?


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