Decardia

Ah, the vitriole o de doe. Playing with the hate ball, never passing; traveling trammeling bitter basket shot. Deceiving self with lies of over it regurgitations. Humiliation celluloid copying infinitely; fin, no, no end for me. Moi moi kiss of irritation leaving lipstick exasperation. Sparkled lesbians past nymphet lounging in easy chairs of my happy place. See, even there you are not welcome. Days of resentment and rude expulsions, nights of jittery buggery tic ticky spasms. One and all look, look at the crazed man, the freak of the hour, set your watches for the show.

Revulsions compulsions, blame game fame. They assume, assy me, donkey boy braying fool for the youngsters. I delude myself once more, once again to Riverdale back to broken youth. Shy shy sullen buoy, coasting through the life waves. Crashing cashing in, Johnny here comes the meltdown. Be bad Johnny, lift that switch, knife the night and blind the bitch. The darling little ones don’t have to see, saw the blood tumbling out. Open mouth but no sound comes out. Shocked, locked, highway blocked, no more riding it all night long. But the night is long, terrors don’t have bedtimes. Is it dark enough Democritus? Is the fire burning Prometheus? Let the flames rain down upon these wicked souls that taunt and mock the trodden down of downtown.

And I am alone, alone with the hallowed names and inner screams. Audiophile for the wails. Banshee no love me, polter guise layers upon my skin. Weak flesh succumbing, giving to the carnal beasts of lascivious loathing. How I love the embroiled sickly feeling battering my bones. I dance with them with country music in tow. I set the plate for it and dine of judging bitlets, I may rape what I sow. So, the pity game goes on, the hate doth grow strong. Decardia. Pure self-hate awakening. Drape me in shame, skeet skeet misery all over me. Failure. Anxious pup smacked to the wall. Glower and cower as the bright mortals walk by. The damaged are the homeless you look with averted eyes. No see the transients, no sense nonsense.

The regulars I call them. The well-to-do citizens of well-adjusted cities peering at the freaks for just a little while. No bother bother none, honey pots are waiting just beyond the pines. They got life by the balls and the cock of life around the bend. These mortals they be tricky, just waiting to offend, waiting to soak up your delirium drippings. Display your heartache on the vine, the Tube, the social media bully ground. Like like, plus one that degradation, surely the weaker are to be ridiculed n’est pas. Si bon si bon. I become the silly man, c’est ridiculous, c’est drole, imbecile. Opera clown, fire fox, I revel in my own Socratic twist. I become so wrapped in the game I believe it. Play play all life a stage, phases broken up for living ones, trifling ones, selfish sons.

I am the ego monster that feasts on cured flesh. Marble maniac slash away for severed heads. Sick so sick, paddy wagon come to play. White coats and electric jolts in the future past. Jigsaw puzzles and sedatives, time for deathly sleep. Maker’s mark, prisoners hark, downed hounds howling for freedom gnashing teeth at iron bars, black gates. Locked in state, few feet to roam, cut myself, stab myself, no self at home. Wait for the beep please, manners are your friends, on them you must depend, no rude boy to contend. None such jerk, riddim of the ire. Land of polite smiles, jackals all the while. Feed em teach em leave em beat em. Six sick pups with sickle stick ups. I’m done no fun naked baby on the run, chase that bottle rum, lick it stick it pablum.

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