The Idiot

Droplets of memories flickr round my goblet head, dazzling chintzy sparklers distracting me, the life course, the procrastinated role play. I am dumb scum rum pum rummy. Inebriated troll falling over self, I’ve become so clumsy no more quick reflexes, must work out more.

Back in college she said I’m full of it. Waxing bitter about lovely Mel, serene siren calming my mind, blank space slate. I was full of it, maybe now too, maybe I’ve fooled myself and shoved the wise under locke and key. Shining child coming to the fore, Torrance of emoticons blanket me nightly. Replete with myself, Sophie hunger for egotism, neoliberalism, pretty water reflection drowning out sane thought. Sanity overrated, not to be fated, phantasy star sated.

And who am I anymore? What hath god wrought, what have I become? What to do when I’m Tweedle Dee and Dum? Smart idiot. Prince Myshkin in Canada. Semi-automatic sob stories but must cover up; tell no one, never a word always a care. Stress test bless mess. Propped up shoulders tight against the world, fall down internally, crumble. Feel weak, mis: guided, directed,taken. I dunno anymore man. Man, woman, lonely boy, lost girl, basexual, freaky deaky pervert past, longing for desire.

Suffer self references in melodramatic cartoon word. Itchy and scratchy mayhem blowing up. Poochy coochie wally follow me. Distressed obsessed loveless princess. Too many sides to contend with. Tired again, can’t stop won’t stop, little engine manic race. Bipolar rolling over, rollercoaster rock and rolla. Traumatic schematic attack out of habit. Psychosomatic worries platered on, psychosis doses feeling on the wall. Crazy insane refrain, rhyming bout pain, character flaw main.

Give it up, move on to higher horizons as I wave goodbye to old selves. Arm tired from anticipation. Hulk no smash. Better days here, no fear, just a dear, in headlights. Shine a little light on me. Midnight special chooglin away on dusk dreams. Choking down clear water for the revival of me.

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