Lumpy heart drip

They’re worn out memories
Replayed so many times
The good the bad and the true
She felt so good felt so right
A maiden and I was waiting
Swept off my feet on a long stretch
Desert highway just got a passenger
Emotions burst forth, the good ol days
A pint of love chugged down
In bed with shallow heart
Remembering what felt like a dream

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It’s like the Nothingness in Neverending Story. Grey wisps moving along. I feel this immense emptiness in my body, stomach, chest, I want to rip it out me, good god get out! Grotesque talons for the expelling, sharp jagged curves sinking into flesh, oozing bad blood from serrated perforated wounds. I cringe as I claw maniacally manic at lumps of heavy pressure, little rivulets of fluid and skin bounding down pain spirals. Hack slash dot alt control end me enders game. Last Starfighter jettison payload and bullet the riddled corpse. Body snatch body swap, burn baby burn pyro flame my form, let loose gasoline dreams and stinging singeing flakes from the hole in my chest. Empty, full of hate, decardia. Shed skin and slither into scaled hyde looking for the old in and out, not enjoying it, just in it for the thrill. Thrill is gone, he’s gone, blues my color.

Suspended

Stop moving forward cause I’m afraid of your words.
Abstention from rejection and negative situations.
Angry eyes, burning lips sputtering vile disillusionment.
Too much fighting.
Broken dreams soaking up golden shag carpet.
Hatred billowing out silver smoke to wrap heavy lungs.
Can’t breathe, choking on you, the badder version.
Happiness defenestrated.
Locked in rails unable to leave.
Steam whistle train ramping up for the runover.
Adolescent flashback of su su suicide debacle.
Conductor reduction.
Tainted trust, afraid of attachment, closeness.
Personal intimacy phobic hetero novice.
Burns lay on skin getting Ashy Larry.
Gamble with health but not life.
Decisions stereotypical antithetical.
Run run commitment triage.
Doctor doctor clinical verbiage.
Bad case of loving you lovely still.

Don’t Listen

Oh I see your helpful eyes.
Pleads, sorrowful, verge of cries.
But I’ll push you away with the Jedi force.
It’s just my way Frankie said it best.
I put the Lucy line tween the divide.
I don’t like close stay on your side.
Blue drops in rippled vases.
Look at the face of sympathy bore into me.
Pah, had enough of treatment.
Soulful response to cold treatment.
Back turned to helping hand.
Turn turn turn merry man.
Twoface faced.
I dump my baggage on a stripper.
Sometimes average, typical male.
I love a pretty face pretending to listen.
Kinks and shrinks life lessons.
I’m guessin.
Bash face bolt head.
Blow brains new keds.
Get up stand up.
Fight the strife.

Respite

Down the bottle. Pills circulate through red ocean current currently doused with the downer upper. Jacked up jolt up party guy arrival. Fun Bobby comes on chartered flight, plan for reckless hedonist night finally come; cum, another respite from seriousness, dark knight play, change my costume please.

Drink a friend, confidant for confident manner, wingman, Charlie’s Angels triple fisted ham-fisted lip busted. No no mix but no no juice so tempting good, keep it through the years. My thorned crown digging in but I call it a halo for the numbness. Not pill numbness but suffering med. Put upon myself heavy loads, the drama queen in me being silent ninja. But cannot stand the cold of it, the dull ache pulsating melodically to the tiny violin I hear schizophrenically. Move sucka. I drown the shebang, torrential rains making marvellous great flood, wash away my sins holy father. Believe not but feeling desperate tonight. Wanting want and suckling booze alley for the tempered high that diminishes as time flies. You get used to it. Always.

——————
Blood drain acid wash nightmares culling themselves in origami konami scares. I’m folded up, crane my neck to stiff imagery tanking my thoughts, memory, worldly symphony banging timpani, showboat showmen shower shaolin. I take it, take you, take two prescript pill bottle throttle depression befuddle. All I can say is grey, grey’s anatomy know me no me. Self-indulgent tripe ripe for evisceration, invasion, invaders must die, hard house cry. Weepy boy blue coo coo cachoo. Acid poet revealing madness scribble scrabble double word score, half whore, film noir. Cast a blanka on my blue slate mind stuck in memory lane with all the wrong kinds, can’t switch, gears, lanes, self. What is self? Gone into self, wreck self, see self, feed self, ego selfish simple fish, self self. Meta meta pull into itself. Separate “it”, other, don’t you want it clown balloon boy. I am it it is me, it is and it shall be. Slam poet reversing gears, splitting hairs, dissecting words like class frogs, no princes in sight this night. Just me. Again. Just me.

Asexual

When kisses are just pressed lips
When touches are dull sensations
When a hug elicits no special feeling
And emotionless growths between the hips
I feel for pangs in twilight like blind man’s searching
I yearn for romantic trysts
I want to like the sensual
But I end up listless
You have the love, the good and bad
Affection in the air
I’ve damaged all my urges
And am left with no caress

Teller Pen

If I was really honest I’d let out the whole soul. Expunge this grimy mansion of secrets and lies, lies, oh the tumultuous turmeric deception staining my worn blue collar. Spent and respent dishonest hiding seeking sweet chili relief. Pulled pork anxiety smothered in glaze.

Hungry.

Where do I begin beguine? Top upshot dribble stubble handsome visage, look at me looking at the mirror, perpetual vanity, compact narcissism. Stare at dying eyes in deceitful glass cage, Johnny cum lately, bukake mess, fluffer distress.

Gross.

Trumpet my arrival, get an eyeful of awful trifle. Spiteful with the venom, purple toxin blood thinning. All about me so I hate myself for that. Born to make em happy, people pleaser jokester riffs. Guffaw goof offs, five year plan shot to hell, we need more cowbell Ferrell. Laugh with the world and it laughs with you. Laugh by yourself get stares and committed.

Le sigh.

Don’t remember what I wanted to say, spray, yell from yeti mountain tops. Avalanche drops. Down I go with words in tow, wrapping myself in verbiage to hold back the soul crusher; cascading colorwand dapping lost reminiscence while I find the beat. Lost the soul man, just lost. Desert highway usher my way, in control but HAL at the wheel. IBM secret clues blues, see spot run, Clifford red rum.

Confused.

What shall I get out from this box? Any mysteries hiding beneath the faces, perimeter the area. Cubed! Hip so hip, hip hop fading, preacher k-os pulpit speaking, MC murda. Ja rules no longer, the mean average grown stronger, spears chucked at brit tannica, cycle pedia past foot race. Now just a ramble, ransacked creativity in disheveled cranium. Don aluminium hat so fitting, I’m winning. Sheen coat on charlie horse. Rat race, dog race, mane race, human race. Racism, atheism, classicism, spiritualism. Attack of isms. Is Ms. this kiss? Of death of dragon, Jet flight Li filler. Lee bruise and beat, where’s the beat? Music’s my world, my spirit, lemme hear it, lemme feel it. Feel something.

Cold.

Emotional numb making the best of it. Laughing nights with heavy spirits, licka liqs. LCBO hobo future self laying low. Loco combo, see myself at hack show, failed writer sumo. Mediocre fat sack, eat feelings suck that. Blowjob whore core bore, asexual economical, cheap pharmaceuticals. Welfare self-aware, self-respect laissez-faire. Push a pusher Pushkin, damage cycles cyclone . Twister twist summer skin.