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I get this thing in my head of making myself be a better person than I probably am. I think of actions that are altruistic to combat the selfish, lying to myself on what I’d do in situations.  Marc Maron does this too and probably a bunch of other people who feel they need to be better humans. It’s like I’m not happy with reasonable, for myself choices, I must be a hero, a good Samaritan.  I guess idols in my mind are my aspirations,  the lone hero who battles his demons and saves everyone.  But if I have this mental quirk then doesn’t that mean I’m really like that? My push towards moral options is a defining characteristic so why feel bad that I think of myself before strangers? Maybe some of us just look for excuses to deflate ourselves and coast on self-pity.  Maybe goodness is less a trait and more an endeavour. A battle against our darker selves, the selfish gene undergoing therapy.

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