I get this thing in my head of making myself be a better person than I probably am. I think of actions that are altruistic to combat the selfish, lying to myself on what I’d do in situations. Marc Maron does this too and probably a bunch of other people who feel they need to be better humans. It’s like I’m not happy with reasonable, for myself choices, I must be a hero, a good Samaritan. I guess idols in my mind are my aspirations, the lone hero who battles his demons and saves everyone. But if I have this mental quirk then doesn’t that mean I’m really like that? My push towards moral options is a defining characteristic so why feel bad that I think of myself before strangers? Maybe some of us just look for excuses to deflate ourselves and coast on self-pity. Maybe goodness is less a trait and more an endeavour. A battle against our darker selves, the selfish gene undergoing therapy.