I law awake thinking how I like my repetitions, some of them, the repeating and drilling and going over sameness. This is an OCD thing and makes me comfortable but I’m thinking maybe it also has to do with a sense of stability, familiarity, consistent patterns and events. I never felt I had stability. Mood swings, depressions, moving to different schools, introvert/extrovert switching. It was not flat and boring but not grounded either. It’s possible that this need for stability or sameness is a counterbalance to chaotic experiences and a way of comforting the aftermath of erratic maturing. I repeat to make up for the collage of youth.


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