Guiltlove

She shud be able to enjoy it
Flow after retirement
Ease from lacking office
Less stress less tests
Knock down meds
Big heart be damned
Bio complicated interfere her
Enlarged aorta no kill her
Strong like bull and stubborn too

Ppl sick from worry bout sickness
Bouts of ill
Listless
Fuck de bucket list
New fuckit list

Give ease
Alms to mater
Madre malady
She deserves more than we give her

You try and make up for the years of horrid treatment. Sure there was such tears dampening my soggy shoulders, but amid the adolescence there was the selfish anger. Roiling teen cursing mum, curse god world Mississippi goddamn. Lacking heart for familiars and stressed her test she took it with wavering strides cause her heart was so big. Always felt bad, guilt, guiltlove, sick with love and now abstaining.

This shud be her time
Life owes her
Ppl owe her
We owe her
But she takes less n les
Stupid motherly love

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Care enough&nbsp
Care more for siblings dummy
Too much self
Not enuff open dialogue
So so angry about self-involved preliminaries
Botch bout new gen focused on themselves and i be same dwells
Sis so sad and crying to me!
Want to fix but can’t ever
Lax and lost to procedural fixit fairy story
Loved the real talk but so pissed at my self story
Busy pissin and drinkin and feeling meself sorry
She so tough but inside struggling
Punch myself but not enuff physical karma harmony
Stop hate stop blame
Love her rightly and be better than previous brother shame

Can you change your rough
Superficial super pristine dangerous
Moderate facial trust
Bright faced white-skinnned
My angeldust
Obsessive with adore and lust
Soothes me confuses me
Just a wreck bust
Heavy metal sinking ships
Imma bottom awaiting thrust
Women be poison I suck it up
Never enuff never done
Closeness comfort and intimate couplets
Cuffed to feminine and sequentially rebuffed
Big eyes get me towards the slave ruckus

Love the pain love the dirt
Back when I was rock bottom and betting rough
I gave the trust to deemed lesser ones to gain the Christy neighbour trust

“Please please come for New Year’s Eve! Promise me.” After so many such years of sarcasm and meanness diluted with loverly kindness, I still get confused about who is genuine, no, whom is genuine. Spose to accept the love but conservative inside the hippie. Mistrustful for a reason, cynical for logical reasons. We know better later in life but do we? An I second guessing the lovely bones that intertwine woth my desolate cold? Boney M, skeleton crew dance festivus. Learn to trust in bs turf . 

Saw what I assumed was another Tourette’s soldier. young pretty girl with the jagged legs and verbal yelling. Copralalia. not common, usually less than 1 % . brain went fruity ,  thought I could help or say sparse wisdom to youngens. condescending much? do I know better by now? I should right? should know,   should help. felt bad for looking and not speaking up. but. does she want anything from me me? everyone goes through their struggle, why  deprive her of growing. too much a father, protector, no let plants grow to maturity. fuck this paternalism!

Now I know.
Suckie suckie blowjob touchy
Warm lips on resistant dickie
I pretended new phase
Now I know I’m empty vessel spiritual
dick gone half for femme bustin ass
Wanna give her all but stuck with lax
Promise myself I’ll make up in oral
get down to it I’m lostless in stories
Make up me the inverted perverted predator
Want the puusyclot but body wants none of it
I don’t condone but hormones find the speech

I like the warmth and the loverly loving
Can’t feel much but I appreciate the body heat

her go ergo ego

it may not be shameful but pathetic nonetheless
that I should love the idea of you
and not the full realness
in my mind you dance and sing
beauty always and face shining
complete package of what I remember
with all the bad taken out for splendour
the smile so soft and inviting
loops upon my image dreaming
glowing sandy hair to wade in
light hued skin cheek to cheek

I warmed with you
I felt alive
time was pointless
time was short
never had enough
never said the words

miss you
miss myself then
every new one just a passing
every woman depleting joyful
moderate fun in middle days
days of daze and imagery fades
vividness is slowly leaving
feelings strong weaken til evening
there you are and glow and love
love me more than I myself