Can you change your rough
Superficial super pristine dangerous
Moderate facial trust
Bright faced white-skinnned
My angeldust
Obsessive with adore and lust
Soothes me confuses me
Just a wreck bust
Heavy metal sinking ships
Imma bottom awaiting thrust
Women be poison I suck it up
Never enuff never done
Closeness comfort and intimate couplets
Cuffed to feminine and sequentially rebuffed
Big eyes get me towards the slave ruckus

Love the pain love the dirt
Back when I was rock bottom and betting rough
I gave the trust to deemed lesser ones to gain the Christy neighbour trust

“Please please come for New Year’s Eve! Promise me.” After so many such years of sarcasm and meanness diluted with loverly kindness, I still get confused about who is genuine, no, whom is genuine. Spose to accept the love but conservative inside the hippie. Mistrustful for a reason, cynical for logical reasons. We know better later in life but do we? An I second guessing the lovely bones that intertwine woth my desolate cold? Boney M, skeleton crew dance festivus. Learn to trust in bs turf . 

Saw what I assumed was another Tourette’s soldier. young pretty girl with the jagged legs and verbal yelling. Copralalia. not common, usually less than 1 % . brain went fruity ,  thought I could help or say sparse wisdom to youngens. condescending much? do I know better by now? I should right? should know,   should help. felt bad for looking and not speaking up. but. does she want anything from me me? everyone goes through their struggle, why  deprive her of growing. too much a father, protector, no let plants grow to maturity. fuck this paternalism!

Now I know.
Suckie suckie blowjob touchy
Warm lips on resistant dickie
I pretended new phase
Now I know I’m empty vessel spiritual
dick gone half for femme bustin ass
Wanna give her all but stuck with lax
Promise myself I’ll make up in oral
get down to it I’m lostless in stories
Make up me the inverted perverted predator
Want the puusyclot but body wants none of it
I don’t condone but hormones find the speech

I like the warmth and the loverly loving
Can’t feel much but I appreciate the body heat

her go ergo ego

it may not be shameful but pathetic nonetheless
that I should love the idea of you
and not the full realness
in my mind you dance and sing
beauty always and face shining
complete package of what I remember
with all the bad taken out for splendour
the smile so soft and inviting
loops upon my image dreaming
glowing sandy hair to wade in
light hued skin cheek to cheek

I warmed with you
I felt alive
time was pointless
time was short
never had enough
never said the words

miss you
miss myself then
every new one just a passing
every woman depleting joyful
moderate fun in middle days
days of daze and imagery fades
vividness is slowly leaving
feelings strong weaken til evening
there you are and glow and love
love me more than I myself

Pill me, feed me
smoke me, cig me
drink me, snort me
Half of it works until the letdown

Cocaina, marijuana
Lazy sticks for spics is what they used to call them
Propagandize the working people so you can blame them for your insolvency

Debt collectors in town
So many criers hollerin’ usury

I can’t face the day so I bury in sands of inequity
Solar shock vampyre
Give up chasing demons
Start with the slow killing
Murder murder my mindstate
Charm for self-harm look the other way
Crick a little smile so no habla stupid questions
Don’t hear your beat
Drowning in eye glances

Shiny teeth and glowing eyes all abounding
I turned the wolf in waiting
Misery loves company and maudlin

Brightness such hurt
She blinded me with conscience
Addicted to help and shining my good apple
Boyscout out of shape
Used the knife for protection
Place it inside me

Ocd about perversion 

Obsession addiction to the fight

Normalcy formalcy

Fetish kill fetishcide

Ocd former me

Obsess about being sex deviant

Alleviate allegiant 

Know no urges but urge to purge it

Feel like teen freak squirming irk me

Foot freak screaming

Eyes and head see neutral

Focused fixated even when empty

Think myself to want but still wanting less 

Lesser deviant

Lesser demon

Less more or less