What’s it like

What’s it like when you’re head’s not full of words

What’s it like after body shots that drain emotional spots spin their wheels 

What you say during growing when the monster inner growls its yearning 

Desire taketh over and pissed off vibes runneth closer 

Tell me what to think, what to say

Aren’t you tired of independence yet

Aren’t you sick of differential split 

Like a math formula they all got bored of

Where is the friends that rise up the horrid

Sinking loose lips trying to kiss but getting frogs

When do I, we, get some cover 

Manholes, sinkholes, open opening

Think enough

Think too much

What is life without a thought 

What do I go on for but to entertain myself 

Nuts to the wall but friends can’t always humor 

I alone make better merriment 

Those lovely friends just apparitions 

Hear others say such love such life

Where to find these spirits nigh

Where to let loose mindly clutter

What’s it like when silence is

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ADHD Adieu

I feel like I want the drugs, the extra pre scripts that dull and conjecture me, juxtapose my posie me with poised poses that work on the city. Big cities, we all freaky people-span of attention quizzical and busy. Don’t want to be like those Ridilin kids, that predays when chest felt empty, hollow feels and dull mouth mumbling stubbles. Want the focus though. Craving it, insane with the turbulence of concentration flummox just hazy day/night pulling eyes towards bookies and epubs; texts perused aloof for half minutes then abandoned for miles as I run lapse to other projects. Poor bookies, old and new and digital too, looking for touch with silent folds and bookmarks saving forgotten trysts. 

Want focus but it must be earned by me. Natural work my butt off training without the montages.  Spend some hours for several pages or sparse ink lines.

1/24/17

Take the solace in solemn silent promises to twitchy McGee walls up

I could sit at the table with the pad so empty

So much white space it thrilled me then fearfully

Set up this desk for inkling inking

Architectural digesting passes through

Sketches and illustrates take a tick off my subpar

No one can see me tic running tick tock forever waiting for perfection

Perfectionist obsessive kid

Basement/office dwelling third place reversing

Adversity trumpeted

Bulked up to level this

Eyes on surpass but lacking push button confidence

Stuck to me, you, Irene too

Head jerking venting to release that dark stain joo joo

Screw the straightheads staring stone-faced

reject redirect Rob rejects

Upset relax meditate relapse

Pressure foments as my fingers bent

Curse the digits and hands clawing

Feel arthritic and Parkinson’s sick

High on the worry and losing the dismissive

Give in to obese obsess suppress subset stress

Feelin’ fine

Thankless

Can you change your rough
Superficial super pristine dangerous
Moderate facial trust
Bright faced white-skinnned
My angeldust
Obsessive with adore and lust
Soothes me confuses me
Just a wreck bust
Heavy metal sinking ships
Imma bottom awaiting thrust
Women be poison I suck it up
Never enuff never done
Closeness comfort and intimate couplets
Cuffed to feminine and sequentially rebuffed
Big eyes get me towards the slave ruckus

Love the pain love the dirt
Back when I was rock bottom and betting rough
I gave the trust to deemed lesser ones to gain the Christy neighbour trust

her go ergo ego

it may not be shameful but pathetic nonetheless
that I should love the idea of you
and not the full realness
in my mind you dance and sing
beauty always and face shining
complete package of what I remember
with all the bad taken out for splendour
the smile so soft and inviting
loops upon my image dreaming
glowing sandy hair to wade in
light hued skin cheek to cheek

I warmed with you
I felt alive
time was pointless
time was short
never had enough
never said the words

miss you
miss myself then
every new one just a passing
every woman depleting joyful
moderate fun in middle days
days of daze and imagery fades
vividness is slowly leaving
feelings strong weaken til evening
there you are and glow and love
love me more than I myself

Pill me, feed me
smoke me, cig me
drink me, snort me
Half of it works until the letdown

Cocaina, marijuana
Lazy sticks for spics is what they used to call them
Propagandize the working people so you can blame them for your insolvency

Debt collectors in town
So many criers hollerin’ usury

I can’t face the day so I bury in sands of inequity
Solar shock vampyre
Give up chasing demons
Start with the slow killing
Murder murder my mindstate
Charm for self-harm look the other way
Crick a little smile so no habla stupid questions
Don’t hear your beat
Drowning in eye glances

Shiny teeth and glowing eyes all abounding
I turned the wolf in waiting
Misery loves company and maudlin

Brightness such hurt
She blinded me with conscience
Addicted to help and shining my good apple
Boyscout out of shape
Used the knife for protection
Place it inside me

Mixxa Mixxa

Perfect pedicure
Cream tip dreamary
Past the Tarantino days
But loving the perfection
Like Sumerian cuneiform
Wedged, shaped and beautiful
Feel bad feel shame cause the media places us
Perverts and sniffer fluffers
Rubitout fetishists
No more urge nor desire
But like to be near
Kiss and massages
Feel like Lenny Bruce fightin’ obscenities
Tits are dirty?
I wanna hug em and kiss em
Love a body love a mind
Love the feminine spiritual

Beautiful liar
Lawyer for hire
Beer slinger for coarse drinkers
Legal beagle for profit imperative