I gotta take that nasty, twisted anger and funnel it into iron. Weights and lifting and muscles fathoming the limits of broheim control, jock stereotype placement. Can I breathe n get strong without being lumped with testosterone playmates? Jungle gym primates and alien migrants tonguing cheeks and loud mouths. 

Can I live, am I overdone and exaggerated? Alleviated, hated, fated and selfishly motivated. Why we lie and act so selfless? All we want is accolades and well wishes. Please love me, love us, enough judge of the neediness. This was anger release now confession continuous.  Wish my brain would splurge out instead of blog posts expressing half sungs.


Past said, Now said

Is it a privilege to know someone so deeply? That isn’t antithetical to my my peaceful, warming, envelop us philosophy? Not quite love but the road of understanding rinding rolling twisting rounds through, from, between us. Minds reads hearts and whistle wallows that say a something. Your something. World mumblings. Listen lots, talk some.

Seperate selves turmoiled in business jags edged against pressure heads. Hard knocked skulls keeping straight eyes and downed heads. Cultivate profit, make money money mine mine mine. Ears plugged, brands up, heads see water rise then take gulping breaths. Breathe. Now now quickly, no time for rest just push pull society lacking words for community. 

Shriveled tenders limp and making pretend prostrate. Bowing outer screamers inside, douse with drugs and middle wine. Turn shoulders away and eye the goal posts.

Then you can go on with deception and confusion and the constant lukewarm war. Friends like peers and acquaintance with business cards and links to follow. I forget a face and we all become shapes and figures with sculpture makeup. Eyes glued elsewhere while ears plugged and flighty, music refreshes but voices tinny around, value drop like copper tops. Bitcoin slops. Maybe tomorrow sunny.

What’s it like

What’s it like when you’re head’s not full of words

What’s it like after body shots that drain emotional spots spin their wheels 

What you say during growing when the monster inner growls its yearning 

Desire taketh over and pissed off vibes runneth closer 

Tell me what to think, what to say

Aren’t you tired of independence yet

Aren’t you sick of differential split 

Like a math formula they all got bored of

Where is the friends that rise up the horrid

Sinking loose lips trying to kiss but getting frogs

When do I, we, get some cover 

Manholes, sinkholes, open opening

Think enough

Think too much

What is life without a thought 

What do I go on for but to entertain myself 

Nuts to the wall but friends can’t always humor 

I alone make better merriment 

Those lovely friends just apparitions 

Hear others say such love such life

Where to find these spirits nigh

Where to let loose mindly clutter

What’s it like when silence is

ADHD Adieu

I feel like I want the drugs, the extra pre scripts that dull and conjecture me, juxtapose my posie me with poised poses that work on the city. Big cities, we all freaky people-span of attention quizzical and busy. Don’t want to be like those Ridilin kids, that predays when chest felt empty, hollow feels and dull mouth mumbling stubbles. Want the focus though. Craving it, insane with the turbulence of concentration flummox just hazy day/night pulling eyes towards bookies and epubs; texts perused aloof for half minutes then abandoned for miles as I run lapse to other projects. Poor bookies, old and new and digital too, looking for touch with silent folds and bookmarks saving forgotten trysts. 

Want focus but it must be earned by me. Natural work my butt off training without the montages.  Spend some hours for several pages or sparse ink lines.


Take the solace in solemn silent promises to twitchy McGee walls up

I could sit at the table with the pad so empty

So much white space it thrilled me then fearfully

Set up this desk for inkling inking

Architectural digesting passes through

Sketches and illustrates take a tick off my subpar

No one can see me tic running tick tock forever waiting for perfection

Perfectionist obsessive kid

Basement/office dwelling third place reversing

Adversity trumpeted

Bulked up to level this

Eyes on surpass but lacking push button confidence

Stuck to me, you, Irene too

Head jerking venting to release that dark stain joo joo

Screw the straightheads staring stone-faced

reject redirect Rob rejects

Upset relax meditate relapse

Pressure foments as my fingers bent

Curse the digits and hands clawing

Feel arthritic and Parkinson’s sick

High on the worry and losing the dismissive

Give in to obese obsess suppress subset stress

Feelin’ fine


Can you change your rough
Superficial super pristine dangerous
Moderate facial trust
Bright faced white-skinnned
My angeldust
Obsessive with adore and lust
Soothes me confuses me
Just a wreck bust
Heavy metal sinking ships
Imma bottom awaiting thrust
Women be poison I suck it up
Never enuff never done
Closeness comfort and intimate couplets
Cuffed to feminine and sequentially rebuffed
Big eyes get me towards the slave ruckus

Love the pain love the dirt
Back when I was rock bottom and betting rough
I gave the trust to deemed lesser ones to gain the Christy neighbour trust

her go ergo ego

it may not be shameful but pathetic nonetheless
that I should love the idea of you
and not the full realness
in my mind you dance and sing
beauty always and face shining
complete package of what I remember
with all the bad taken out for splendour
the smile so soft and inviting
loops upon my image dreaming
glowing sandy hair to wade in
light hued skin cheek to cheek

I warmed with you
I felt alive
time was pointless
time was short
never had enough
never said the words

miss you
miss myself then
every new one just a passing
every woman depleting joyful
moderate fun in middle days
days of daze and imagery fades
vividness is slowly leaving
feelings strong weaken til evening
there you are and glow and love
love me more than I myself